"These survivors and many others lack the basic skills they need to protect themselves from further abuse, develop healthy adult relationships and lead productive, satisfying lives," says Raiguel, a marriage, family and child counselor based in California.

Raiguel has written this self-help book for those who missed out on lessons that are part of growing up in a healthy, nurturing home.

Her book encourages readers to let go of the survival strategies they used when they were being abused as children - refusing to see the negative qualities in those they love (“blind spots”) and numbing themselves to pain (“disassociating”).

Raiguel notes that emotional abuse occurs “whenever an adult deprives a child of love, a sense of belonging, unconditional acceptance and security” is often overlooked because it leaves invisible scars.

However, she cautions, "emotional abuse can be as traumatic as physical or sexual abuse and it’s important for survivors to recognize that to avoid ending up in an abusive adult relationships."

Raiguel, relates personally to victims of emotional abuse because she grew up with an alcoholic. Her father, who she proudly reports sober for 18 years, was Jekyl and Hyde- gentle and loving when he wasn’t drinking and a bully when he was.

She hopes the quiz will be an eye opener for others who haven’t fully acknowledged the impact of abuse on their lives.

That’s what it did for 32-year-old Lynn, a client of Raiguel’s who asked to remain anonymous. Lynn, who attended a Life Skills Workshop led by Raiguel two years ago and then began long-term private therapy, says she was physically and emotionally abused by her mother throughout her childhood and had an alcoholic father. She was also sexually abused at the age of 3 by an uncle.

Lynn managed to block out her most painful memories until she married seven years ago. Then, in the calm, safe, loving atmosphere her husband provided for her, she started having flashbacks. And as she remembered the abuse in her past, she became increasingly uneasy in a lifestyle that represented her first encounter with real stability.

She says, "Raiguel’s Life Skills Quiz has a name a for what she did when she couldn’t handle happiness: self-sabotage."

Lynn, who works in the computer field, started going to bars alone and getting drunk almost every night. Sometimes she slept in her car and didn’t get home until morning. But she never called her husband to let him know where she was or when she’d be back.

She also started spiking her hair and listening to punk rock, which seemed-at its loudest- to express her inner turmoil.

Lynn had been living this way for two years and had nearly, driven her husband away when she heard about the two-day Life Skills Workshop that Raiguel offers periodically. The therapist helped her understand, having been raised in a frightening, unstable environment, she had no preparation for the kind of life her husband was offering her.

“Because they come from a chaotic family, survivors may cling to struggle as a security,” Raiguel explains. “When things start getting good, they sometimes get scared and try to stop their success.”

In “Life Skills,” Jill suggests survivors work toward overcoming the self sabotage syndrome by acknowledging their fear of success, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones and taking steps to break self-destructive habits.

Among the exercises Jill recommends for survivors are writing down affirmations- “I deserve a good life” – 10 times daily for 21 days, visualizing themselves succeeding in specific situations and asking friends to help them resist destructive behavior.